Since I was diagnosed with breast cancer and started chemo, people have commented and praised me for my positive attitude and undying spirit. And I try to maintain that image. Because I whole-heartedly believe that a positive attitude is everything, especially when dealing with cancer. But this week I have been tested to my limits and beyond, and my positive spirit is currently being flushed down the toilet.
I started back to work last week. Not doing full RN duties, but helping out in employee health and giving flu shots and on my unit by answering call lights and passing meds and stocking cabinets. It's good for me to be back to work, both for my mind and for my checkbook. I only work 24 hours a week, per doctor's orders and I didn't even make that last week because I was so exhausted and this week isn't off to a great start either. While my side effects aren't horrible, they're enough to make me tire quickly. I'm so torn on being back to work because I need to work both for my mental sanity and for financial reasons, but am afraid I will catch some God awful illness from some patient or family member. Work is a very sore subject right now.
So when you know you are going to be out of work for a surgery or whatever, you apply for FMLA which protects your job while you are out. I submitted my paperwork as requested and had my mastectomy. For 6 weeks after surgery, I was in a narcotic, anti-anxiety and nausea medication fog. Apparently in that time, my FMLA company requested paperwork from my physicians to certify my condition. My number one priority after surgery was NOT making sure that I checked my mail and responding to all correspondence. So when I didn't return such paperwork, the company called me. I then fished through the mail for the paperwork. Unbeknownst to me, it had already passed the deadline. I submitted the paperwork to all of my doctors. Well if you know doctors, they're very busy people and so are their staff members. When I did finally get the paperwork back, some of them were incomplete so I had to send them back to be completed. Obviously, a very long process, especially when the holiday vacations and conferences keep the doctors out of their offices. Finally I received all of the letters and returned them to the FMLA company, over a month late. So the process went along and I received a letter stating my FMLA was denied. Ummmmm, I've been out for 10 weeks for surgery and treatment for fucking CANCER!!!!! Why would they deny me. Their reason....they didn't receive my paperwork by the due date. Mind you, the due date was less than a month after my surgery so apparently my primary goal after surgery should have been to concentrate on the paperwork I didn't even know that I received because I was too doped up to give a shit and recovering from major surgery for fucking CANCER!!!!! I asked my caseworker at the FMLA company if I could appeal it. She told me that the company that I work for has a policy that they do not accept any appeals related to FMLA. Bullshit! So I emailed the FMLA rep at my work and asked her about it. She said she forwarded my case to her manager who continues to uphold the denial. This manager person is very lucky that I don't know where they live. The reason that this approval is so important is not just to hold my job. I have an awesome manager and know that I have a job to come back to...someday. The reason that this is important is because I ran out of PTO after 4 weeks. Some fabulous people at work have graciously donated their hard-earned PTO to me. However, my company has a stupid rule that the "compassionate PTO" that is donated is not available to the employee unless they have an FMLA approval. So I have since applied for "intermittant" FMLA leave since I'm back to work part-time and on a modified status. I found out today that that was approved. OMG can you imagine? I actually got approved for something! I looked at the letter, and the start date is 2/4/14. Ummmmmmmm, last I checked, it's January. And I went back to work 1/6/14. I've now left a message with the caseworker at the FMLA company to see what the hell that's about. Because I'm SURE this will again hold up the processing of the compassionate PTO I'm so desperately waiting for. Herein lies the problem and reason for my rage. So for the past 3 paychecks, I have had zero dollars and have had to physically go pay for my health insurance since there was no paycheck for it to come out of. Which brings us to another issue...
I planned on going back to work after my 6-8 week recovery period from the surgery. But low and behold, in December I found out that despite previous discussions that I may not need chemotherapy, I indeed WILL need it because my cancer was more aggressive than initially thought. Fantastic. And my doctor didn't want me to go back to work until we saw how my body would tolerate the chemo. Oh and because chemo lowers your immune system, he really didn't want me in the hospital with the nasty bugs that people come to the hospital for. I called my HR department to ask if we could switch the insurance to my husband, who is also a full-time RN there. Ya know what I was told? "Well if you would have called us within the first 30 days of your surgery, we could have made the change but now it's too late." Why must everything be done in that first 30 days? I don't understand!!!!!! I didn't know I would be out of work this long in the first 30 days goddamit! Needless to say I'm disgusted with the policies and politics of the hospital.
Someone suggested a while back that I apply for the employee emergency grant fund to help pay my ever-mounting bills. So I did. And of course that process didn't go smoothly either because despite dialing the fax number on the application, it was not the correct fax number which then prolonged THAT process. Long story short, I received a denial for that as well today. Their reason? There isn't enough money in the fund to accomodate all of the requests. Oh but they were so generous as to give me other resources that may be available such as low-cost housing assistance. I don't need to uproot my family and move to section 8 housing you assholes! I'm a highly educated person who is just needs a little help with bills this month. Kick me while I'm down.
On a positive note, I've completed my 6th chemo treatment, half way done! And I am thankful that I have a mother who has helped us out financially and to the generous friends and family who have donated to our numerous fundraisers recently so that we don't have to lose our house or vehicles. Otherwise, I may be writing this from the ghetto in a 1 bedroom section 8 house. That's the only positive thing I have to say at the moment because these steroids are wreaking havoc on me, despite being tapered down this week. I feel like shit and I can't catch a break and I'm angry. And this is when I lose myself and have a nervous breakdown.
And by the way, I like being bald except that it's cold. And I'm not brave enough to leave the house while bald.
That is all...
And They're coming to take me away Ha Ha
They're coming to take me away ho ho he he ha ha
to the funny farm where life is beautiful all the time, and I'll be happy to see those nice young men in their clean white coats
and they're coming to take me away ha ha
-Dr. Demento
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